“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
How many times did someone ask you that when you were little?
My answers went something like this. …Ballerina. Nurse. Teacher. Artist. Musician, Author. Illustrator. Art Teacher. Teacher…
Why were we expected to have an answer? I guess I am still trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up. Maybe I will never settle on one thing.
Yes, I am a teacher, a coach, a trainer…but I still love to create. I still aspire send out into the world things and thoughts that inspire and spread a little happiness. If only the answer were as simple now as it was when I was eight years old.
Maybe it's the QUESTION that should change.
I think a more important question is one that we seldom ask ourselves. “WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE?” This key question can have many answers, not just a singular, unwavering certainty. Defining who you are and how you want to show up in the world is so much more thought-provoking and colorful. It has the potential to make your life, your work, and your relationships so much richer.
One of the most profound benefits of regularly asking yourself, “Who do I want to be?” is the way it will help you smash your goals! Failing to decide who you want to be is a HUGE mistake in setting and working on your goals…and yes, indeed, it happens too often.
In the past, you may have created a “SMART Goal” that helped you identify a specific, measurable, achievable, yadda-yadda kind of goal. You described the outcome you wanted, set a deadline, and probably listed your action steps.
It’s great, right? Goals are a good thing! Yay!
Truthfully, the most challenging part was probably staying motivated, maintaining your discipline, and not throwing in the towel when “life happened.” Because ummm, life happens.
But there is another way—a better way to not just survive your goals but to thrive through them.
Whether your goal is personal or professional, creating an “I am …” statement can dramatically shift your thinking. It can help you reframe your goals, track your progress, stay inspired, and handle those unexpected obstacles.
Keep reading to learn about 3 common goal-setting mistakes and 1 simple change to reduce frustration, increase your chance of success, and make you feel like an absolute superstar!
3 Goal-Setting Mistakes and One Simple Change
In his powerful book, Atomic Habits, James Clear describes three layers of change.
- Changing OUTCOMES - what you will GET
- Changing SYSTEMS - what you DO
- Changing IDENTITY - what you value and BELIEVE
These are all valuable. But planning for outcomes and action steps are external things and too often produce surface-level changes. It may look like you’re doing it….but for that real and meaningful change you want, you must dig deeper.
Not getting a clear idea of Who you are can lead to these 3 mistakes.
Mistake #1 Not Putting Identity Focused Changes First
Who are you? Who do you want to be in the lives of children? How do you want to show up for others? Yourself?
Do these questions feel weird? It isn’t where we usually begin, but it should be. Knowing what is most important to you, how you want to show up each day in your many different roles is often mistakenly placed last. Typical goal-setting formats have you think about the outcome you desire and design a plan to get there.
Oops!
This approach leads you to believe that only when you have reached that lofty achievement will you be something special. (So wrong but most of us have been taught to do it this way!) This sets you up for MISTAKE #2
Mistake #2 Creating the Need to Get & Stay Motivated
When your goals have you convinced that you aren’t your best self until you actually get to the finish line, you must work that massive plan 100%. Achieving your big dream takes time and you have to rely on feeling motivated and disciplined to actually do your thing. That’s a recipe for disaster. As soon as there is an obstacle, or you have a day where you blunder (It’s ok, it happens), you convince yourself you are rotten at this and that you’ll never get there. These experiences lie to you. Rude.
Mistake #3 Making Goals Too Big & Too Far Away
You know what you want to achieve and what you need to do to get there. The space between here and there can be scary.
The goals we make usually are gigantic and very complicated things. Success is so far away, and if only you can get there, when you finally achieve that goal, then you’ll be….fill in the blank. Healthy? Happy? A good teacher? A responsive leader? Livin’ your best life?
Honestly, it’s too long to wait to convince yourself you are becoming that teacher, friend, parent, son, juggler, beet farmer, writer, or ballerina that you want to be.
When you fall into these 3 mistakes, it sure seems like even the SMARTest goals are sure to leave you feeling down and out.
You are not alone. Nope. It’s not just you.
Even when goals are well-planned and beneficial, they are hard. So hard!
Stress, overwhelm, procrastination, feeling like a failure…ugh. These thoughts and emotions can creep up and clobber your momentum and leave you feeling like quitting.
Don't worry, though; just a small change can create a BIG impact!
What’s the simple, sure-fire answer? WORK BACKWARDS!
You don’t need anything new, no more information, no new plans. Just simply rearrange.
When you start with knowing who you want to be first, then plan the daily actions you will take to be that person, you will be working toward that outcome. You will get there in baby steps with the small, daily actions that show you that YOU ARE THAT AWESOME PERSON ALREADY!
When you shift your priorities and show up for yourself in ways that align with your identity, you will feel productive and purposeful. That momentum is bound to carry you forward, especially on days when its hard.
When you have to set a goal, try this instead:
#1 IDENTITY - reflect on what is important to you. Write an “I am …” statement that will guide and inspire you daily. CLICK HERE for a worksheet to help you.
#2 SYSTEMS - List the daily habits and routines that will prove it to be true. Create your plan for living that aligns with what you value and aspire to be.
#3 OUTCOMES - Don’t wait to celebrate your success until you’ve reached your final destination! Enjoy every tiny move forward along the way!
Each walk you’ve taken, every meaningful interaction, each productive meeting, all of your mindful moments matter. Embrace the daily journey of becoming, and you’ll never feel your initial motivation drain away. The beauty is in the process, not just the product.
It is a small shift in thinking that can serve you in your journey to thrive in these uncertain and challenging times. Know who you want to be and live each day, unapologetically as your best self.
Leap toward your big dreams when you can and tiptoe when it’s all you can do, but make sure you clap for your darn self! Each time you show up as the best version of you, You are a masterpiece!
I’d love to hear from you.
Share your story about how shifting from OUTCOMES to IDENTITY focused goals works for you.
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“As soon as there is an obstacle, or you have a day where you blunder (It’s ok, it happens), you convince yourself you are rotten at this and that you’ll never get there. These experiences lie to you. Rude.”
PERFECT!